Rainbows & Isaac

Well today I am writing with excitement. I hope this doesn't sound weird to you, but to me it is a HUGE thing!!

Right after we had Isaac, he had already passed away, we were pressured into signing documents that would help to take care of his remains. It was 4 am and we just had the worst day imaginable and now they are asking us to make a major decision regarding him. Little did I know how much that choice would affect me and my grieving process.

3 weeks ago I hit rock bottom and went for a drive to our local cemetery and walked around by myself and cried. I kept thinking I have nothing. Now really, I know he is already with Jesus, but I wanted a place where I could go and remember our "laughter". I longed and cried out to God, why I made such a bad decision, I was very angry with me and God. I soon left the cemetery but wasn't ready to go home yet, so off for a drive. It was a miserable day weather wise (and all those in western Washington say amen) raining and windy. As I rounded a corner, there in the sky was a huge beautiful rainbow. I was so mad-I said God you promised us a child, what about now? So much for your promises... isn't this how it goes some days? God just held on to me... God held on to me!!!

This week I went for my last appt. to UW-yeah! I asked when the memorial was supposed to be, see once a year there was to be a memorial at Washelli cemetery in Seattle for those in our situation and I was told it would be in September. She couldn't answer and said someone would call me back. A couple of hours later a social worker calls and said that Isaac was still there at the hospital, that they hold onto the babies for 4 weeks because many parents regret the choice they made. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? See Wednesday this week was 4 weeks and this happened on Tuesday. I was so excited, I called a funeral home in Lacey and they went and got him the next day. So now I get the honor of having a place, an Ebenezer place to remember our son Isaac James. We are having a graveside service this Wednesday to honor his life.

Thank you God!!! Just when I thought you forgot us, you put that rainbow up there to remind me that you do love us and care for those things that matter so much to us. I love you God.